"There's somebody passed out in the basement. There's blood and...chocolate cake everywhere."
"It's disheartening going to concerts and being in a sea of raised phones. I CAN'T SEE through the jungle of arms!!"
"I would randomly spike my stepdad's coffee with chocolate-flavored Ex-Lax...it was probably a dangerous game to be playing with anyone's bowels, but I'm not sorry."
"When we got back home, we found out that there was a huge landslide on one of the roads we would've driven on. My parents have trusted my gut feelings ever since."
"Spiral staircases: They are super interesting and architectural, but hell to move things up and down."
"My aunt and uncle said I cannot tell the other family members because it would devastate them."
"You must come with a gift worth $75 or more, or you won’t be admitted."
"I was leading a blind patient down the hall and told him to watch his step. He just laughed and said, 'Well, that’s not really something I’m good at.'"
"SEX!! In my mid-50s, it has become overrated."
"He was able to get the surgery using his wife's donated organ. After the transplant... he divorced her for a younger woman."
"WE SAY THE EXACT SAME STUFF ABOUT GEN Z AND ALPHA AS BOOMERS SAID ABOUT US!"
"People are waiting in long lines to get it. I just don't understand how it's worth it."
"My aunt and uncle said I cannot tell the other family members because it would devastate them."
"A mom I know doesn't let her child in a bouncy castle unless she holds his hand — like he's only allowed at the edge of the bouncy castle where she can reach him from outside."
"He was able to get the surgery using his wife's donated organ. After the transplant... he divorced her for a younger woman."
"SEX!! In my mid-50s, it has become overrated."
"Spiral staircases: They are super interesting and architectural, but hell to move things up and down."
"They stood to object and said, ‘I object! Opposing counsel is beavering the witness.’ The judge said, ‘Beavering… Do you mean badgering?’ It still makes me laugh out loud."
"Her resume went into the reject pile. It was a great day. The only thing that could have made it happier is if she could have somehow known that I was the deciding vote."
"I was leading a blind patient down the hall and told him to watch his step. He just laughed and said, 'Well, that’s not really something I’m good at.'"
